Total Drama Exploration
by JoshyWoshy7
Summary: Chris McLean starts a wacky and weird new series called Total Drama Exploration, but this series shows what really goes on in the series- sex, drugs, and insane challenges.
1. Chapter 1

Warning- All Characters are nothing like they are in the real series. This series is very vulgar, but with a sense of humor.

"Welcome to the first season of Total Drama! My name is 'Charissa'!" Chris McLean says. For some odd reason, he likes to spell his name like that and pronounce it like that. "This season, everyone from the real Total Drama series are in this make believe dream of mine!"

"Uhh, Chris? This is fo real," Chef says. He is the camp's chef, and he makes disgusting food. Chris and Chef recently got in a relationship.

"Shut up, hun bun. You know I love to host stuff in my dreams," Chris says.

"Shuch yo moufth. Yall know this is real." Chef punches Chris in the face.

"Owwww! That really hurt."

"See, it's real".

Chris and Chef started dating after Total Drama Action, and they've been keeping it a secret until this new series. They like taking it in the butt.

"Ohh, look, there are all of the campers. Duncan, Courtney, Heather, Al, Trent, Gothy Man Whore (Gwen), Owen, Izzy, Sierra, Cody, Mike, Zoe, Lightning, Jo, Tyler, Lidnasy (he pronounced it like that even though it is spelled 'Lindsay'), Ezekiel, Noha (Same, Noah), Beverly, Ora Bitch (Dawn), Angry Hoe (Eva), Annoying Slut (Staci), and Austin Mahone (Justin)."

"Uh, I look nothing like Austin Mahone," says Justin.

"YES." Eva says.

"Like, ya, my Uncle invented Austin Mahone in a lab to be the next big teen heart throb. Like, before him, everyone loved Justin Bieber, ya." Staci says.

"Everyone SHUT UP-"Chris is interrupted.

"Your ora says you don't-" Dawn tries to say.

"You don't interrupt the Charissa. Now, Justin, you are not as hot as Mahone but you are better than Bieber."

"This proves Chris is a fucking fag bag," Duncan says.

"Duncan, that's mean, " Courtney says.

"So?"

"Hey, I wasn't finished. Charissa thinks Angry Hoe needs to stop saying YES and Ora Bitch needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP- oh, wait, I meant Staci."

"Like, ya-" Staci tries to say something retarded.

"What should this season be called? How about 'Total Drama Penis'?" says Chris.

"YES" says Eva.

"He is so fucking gay. Let me call Will Ferrell and ask him what he thinks," says Duncan.

"Since when do you know Will Ferrell?" asks Courtney.

"Since I was born, Coney." Duncan dials a number on his phone and everyone questions whether he was actually talking to Will Ferrell. He puts the phone down. "Let's call it, "Total Drama The Cloud Has A Penis."

"I'm pretty sure they said 'The Clown has no penis' Duncan."

"Okay, I'm calling it, 'Total Drama Exploration'. I will choose the teams. Duncan, Courtney, Heather, Al, Trent, Gothy Man Whore (Gwen), Owen, Izzy, Sierra, Cody, Mike, Zoe are on the Explorers, while everyone else is on the Adventurers. Explorers on the left cabin, Adventurers on the right. Now, go and relax. There is a big challenge tomorrow." Chris and Chef go to their home on the other side of the island.

"Oh my GOD, Chef, screw me right now!" Chris says.

"Okay, babe." Chef and Chris take it in their butts, even though Chris can barely fit it into Chef's butt.

Come back for the weird Chapter Two of this unusual season of Total Drama. Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning- All Characters are nothing like they are in the real series. This series is very vulgar, but with a sense of humor. **

**We left off with the host and cook doing it- kind of weird. Here is the second chapter in what is hopefully going to be a very funny season.**

All of the campers went to bed, but Lindsay felt a little odd in the morning. Before going to eat breakfast, she went to see Chef Hatchet to ask him a question.

"Chef, don't tell Tyler. I'm a crack addict," she said.

"Oh, so you want some crack?" Chef takes off his pants and moons Lindsay. "Here you go."

"Oh, so that's where the white powder comes from. Can I snort your ass and get some crack?"

"You stupid. I thought you wanted to lick my butt, but I guess you want the drug. It doesn't come out my anus. I'll give you crack if you split the million with me."

"Okay, I'll do it. But don't tell Tyler that I am doing crack. Or that I recently got a job at a strip club."

"And don't tell Chris that I showed you my ass and that I am givin' you crack. He might break up with me. Then I won't get to have somebody play with my chode." Chef cries at the thought of losing Chris.

Chris walks into the cafeteria and talks to the campers, who are now eating. "Today's challenge is going to be very interesting." He pulls out a paint ball gun.

"You are a dumbass. We already had a paintball gun challenge." Duncan says before kissing Courtney.

"Oh mah god, you can't do that, like, we're dating, right hun?!" Gwen says.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP. I TOLD YOU, YOU STUPID, WORTHLESS BITCH, WE AREN'T DATING BECAUSE YOU SHIT YOUR PANTIES IN YOUR SLEEP, YOU HAVE GENITAL WARTS, AND YOU SMELL LIKE A FUCKING PIG!" Duncan screams.

"Enough, Duncan, enough. This paintball challenge is different. You have to shoot people in the eyes, with their eyes opened. If you chicken out, your team loses a point. If you do it, your team gains a point. Team Explorer, you will shoot first, and get shot second, and then vise versa for Team Adventurer."

"Like, my great great great great grandfather, he invented torture, ya. Before him, like, people wouldn't get tortured, they would only have fun, ya." Staci says.

All of the campers make their way out to the open field for the challenge, but Lindsay is in the bathroom. "Oh, my god! Oh! OH! OH!" She is masturbating and smoking crack at the same time. "Oh, yes, do it harder Tyler, oh my GOD, YES!"

Tyler thinks something is up with Lindsay. Every Friday night, she goes to the grocery store for hours and returns drunk. "I had fun. Let's go do it," she'll tell Tyler. "Where are the groceries?" He'll ask. "Go buy them yourself and shove them in your ass!" He was hoping they would win the million so they could start a family.

Team Explorer, I will assign the shooter. Team Adventurer, I will assign the victim. Duncan, you will shoot first, and Mahone, you will get shot first."

"Uh, Chris, I'm not Austin Mahone, and my contract says I can't get shot in the face. I would have to sue you if anything happens to my luscious eyes."

"Suing is MY JOB!" Courtney yells.

"Hey, Courtney, calm down. I'll shoot the fucker fag." He shoots Justin in the nut sack and on the eye.

"I will have to sue you now."

"Go and suck on fag bag host's tiny dick." Duncan says.

"Hey! It is not tiny. You don't say that. Chef, you know how big it is. TELL THEM HOW BIG IT IS!"

"It's like a grain of rice." Chef says. "He masturbates with tweezers."

"NO! HOW CAN MY OWN BOYFRIEND SAY THAT ABOUT ME! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!"

"You know it's true." Chef doesn't even feel bad. Chris runs away, crying like a little girl. He says, "It's bigger than Duncan's. It's bigger than Duncan's."

"Well, I guess I will have to take over from here. Courtney, shoot Staci."

"Ooh, that will be easy." Courtney aims the gun at Staci.

"Like, ya, my great aunt invented paint. Before her- Oww!" She was shot in the mouth, and she ran away, crying like a little boy. Che kept saying, "Mine are bigger than Courtney's. Mine are bigger than Courtney's."

The campers continue their game. Some have to go to the infirmary. When it was Eva's turn to get shot, she continued to say, "YES YES YES YES!" When it was her turn to shoot, she pointed the gun to her head, and said "YES YES YES YES YYYEEESSS!" while shooting herself.

Chris felt good enough for the campfire ceremony. The Adventurers lost. He went through the votes. "The people who get marsh mallows are: Lightning, Jo, Tyler, Lidnasy, Ezekiel, Noha, Beverly, Aura Bitch, and Austin Mahone. There are only two campers left. The person getting voted off is…". He let the suspense build. Only Eva and Staci were left.

"CHEF IS THE ONE GETTING VOTED OFF!" He tried to push Chef to the dock of shame.

"Chris, I've been thinking. I didn't mean what I said about your penis. I love it just the way it is, and I want it to go where it belongs. In my mouth."

"Oh, I love you too, my little Cheffy Weffy." They start making out, and the other campers look at them with a disgusted look.

"Sha who got voted off?" Lightning asked.

"Staci" *kiss* "Is" *kiss* "Gone" They continue to make out.

"Like, bye, everyone!" She gets pushed into the water by Chef and has to go to a boat that is already 500 feet off the dock.

Meanwhile, back in one of the cabins, Tyler is chatting with Lindsay (who is high). "Linds, are you feeling alright?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, I'm fine!"

"You never curse, and we swore not to."

"Screw that bull shit, honey. Now, hand me my pussy razor."

"Are you really shaving your, uh, P.P.?"

"Tyler, it's called a VA GI NA. Can you say that?"

"No. Honey, why do you smell like smoke?"

**COME BACK NEXT TIME FOR THE RESULT BETWEEN LINDSAY AND TYLER- AND DON'T FORGET THE OTHER INSANE STUFF!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning- All Characters are nothing like they are in the real series. This series is very vulgar, but with a sense of humor. **

**In the last chapter, Lindsay and Tyler were discussing their problems- or, should I say, Lindsay's problems.**

"Cuz, I smoke, snort, and eat crack. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, faggot." She plops on the ground. Tyler starts thinking about what he wants in life. Should he have a family, or should he stay with his drugged-up girlfriend, Lindsay. He still cares about her.

In the morning, Lindsay wakes up with Tyler. "Honey, why are you on drugs?"

"Tyler, I'm so sorry. I felt bored with life, being your boyfriend and doing nothing with you. I thought crack was the answer, but it is really you. I love you."

"I love you too, babe." They kiss. "Hey, Linds, do you think, maybe, I could try crack?"

"Sure, Tyler. I'll go get some out of my purse."

**NOW, ALL YOU KIDS READING THIS, DON'T DO ANY OF THE STUFF YOU ARE READING. THIS IS JUST PRETEND. **

The campers think they won't have a challenge, but Chris walks into the cafeteria. "Campers, your challenge today is to spill out your secrets with the fellow campers." Lindsay looks scared. She told Chef nobody could know about the drugs. "I will be assigning your teams. Each of you must tell the other campers about any little- no, BIG problems or secrets you have. If your secret isn't good enough, your team will not benefit.

"Here are the teams. Duncan, you are with Lightning. Courtney and Aura Fuckwit. Heather and Joe. Gothy Man Whore and Yes. Al and B. Trent and Tyler. Owen and Ezekiel. Izzy and Noha. Sierra and Bieber. Cody and Lidnasy. Mike, you are with me, and Zoe, you are with Chef. Any questions?"

"Yeah, uh, do I really look like Bieber?"

"Shut the fuck up, fag bag." Duncan hates Justin.

The cameras focused on Duncan and Lightning. "Once, I killed a kindergartner. I brought my knife to the 1st grade, and a kinder-fag was making fun of me, so I shanked the fuck out of that piece of shit."

"Sha-WOAH. Now, I have sha-something important to say. Sha-I have went two weeks without protein. It was SHA SCARY. I thought my sexy muscles would turn into flabby Granny wings."

"Time's up. Duncan, your secret was better than Lightning's, so the Explorers get a point. By the way, did you really kill a kindergartner?" Duncan doesn't say anything.

"I don't have a secret. C.I.T.'s don't share secrets." Courtney says.

"Your Aura says something else about you."

"Yeah, Coney, don't you want to tell us about the time we-" Duncan started.

"SHUSH, Duncan. I don't want anyone to know."

"Know what?" Dawn says.

"That she gave me a blow job-"

"SHUT UP"

"And Geoff was in the background saying, 'She likes him'."

"DUNCAN! WHAT THE FUCK! YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE, I'M SO EMBARRASED!"

"You know I love you, babe. That's why you put your slobbery, wet tongue all over my large, sexy chode."

"SHUT UP! YOUR COCK IS TINY!" Chris yelled.

"It's time fo a commercial brake." A riot starts in the background- mainly between Chris and Duncan, although Courtney and Gwen were fighting in the background.

"Sha- there are no commercial brakes on Chapter three." Lightning says.

"YES." Eva says. Lindsay and Tyler snuck out, and the camera caught three crack pipes and four bags of white powder in their hands. The riot ends with Chris getting stabbed in the leg by Duncan.

"That's it!" Chris yells while holding his leg. "Duncan is off the game! He made my soon to be hubby call me a tiny cock owner and then he stabbed my sexy, hairless leggy-leg! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"I think I should get Courtney's lawyers-"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Chris screams. "You can stay, but I will have to take your gay knife!"

"FUCK YOU!" Chris tries to take Duncan's knife. "Hey, I'll kill you and Blainley will take your job."

"FINE."Chris starts pouting. Dawn tries to spill her secrets, but Chris won't listen because he is acting like a baby. Meanwhile, in the bathroom…

"LETS SCREW! FUCK ME HARD, RIGHT FUCKING NOW, TYLER!"

"OKAY! LET ME GIVE YOU A BOOB JOB FIRST!"

"NO! STICK YOUR PENIS IN MY VA JAY JAY!"

"WHAT ABOUT A CONDOM?"

"FUCK THAT SHIT! I WANT A BABY, AND THAT BABY WILL GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB AND FINGER THE FUCK OUT OF MY PUSS PUSS!" Tyler sticks out his tiny, 2 inch penis, and Heather (keep in mind this is the girls restroom) walks in.

"EWW EWW EWW! What the fuck are you doing on the sink? And what is that on the faucet?" She points to a long, brown doo doo.

"Oh, that's just my poop." Tyler says.

"EWW! And what is that smell?" The two love birds both say crack. Heather walks out to find the producer, but they both say it is perfectly fine.

Back at the challenge site, Chris is still pouting, and Chef is rubbing his ass. Duncan is filming it, and keeps saying it will become a famous You Tube hit.

"WAAAAA" Chris won't stop crying, and Chef decides to stop comforting him to continue the challenge. Dawn is now starting to say her secret.

"I was molested." She says. "My Daddy's Aura was terrible, so he said, 'SUCK MY DICK, OR I'LL SHOOT YOUR VAGINA!' and I did it."

"One point fuh the Adventurers, one for the Explorers. Next, Gwen and Eva."

"I always loved Trent. Duncan was so mean to me in our relationship, Gwen said.

"YES."

The challenge continued, and the Adventurers won. The campfire ceremony was run by Chef.

"Marshmallows go to: Courtney, Heather, Al, Trent, Gothy Man Whore, Owen, Izzy, Sierra, Cody, Duncan, and Mike"

"But, everyone likes me. I haven't even said anything in this series. I want to stay with Mike." Zoe said.

"WHO THE FUCK GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU?" Duncan said.

" HAAAAA- I'm a lady -HAAAAA- You stupid kids leaving those stupid kids everywhere- HAAAA- Zoe! I don't want you to go!"

"Bye, everyone!" Zoe tries to catch up with the boat.

Back in the bathroom, Tyler and Lindsay wake up. "What the fuck happened?" Tyler asks.

"We did crack and we fucked." She throws up. "I think I'm pregnant. Time to try heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, roofline, cigarettes, every type of alcohol, cigars, meth, pot, and inhalants, like computer duster."

"YEAH! I love you, Linds!"

**That's it for this insane chapter. I wonder what Chapter 4 will be like? Please, comment, tell me what you think, what I should add (It isn't guaranteed that I'll add it)?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning- All Characters are nothing like they are in the real series. This series is very vulgar, but with a sense of humor. **

**Back in Chapter 3, Lindsay and Tyler just woke up, and Lindsay thinks she is pregnant. **

"I smell like penis. Maybe that is just my breath."

"Well, my penis was in your mouth while we were sleeping."

Earlier in the night, Owen was talking with Izzy. "I love you, Izz Izz."

"I love you too, fat piece of cake."

"Oh, I heart a piece of cake."

"You know what, Owen? I love black people, but I hate people who act black, even though they are really white." Owen was hiding a secret. He got a tattoo of a big, black, veiny penis on his own penis- which he recently enlarged. He has been acting black at home, but hasn't done it on the set.

"Nigga, shuch yo ass up. I MEAN- Shut up, I don't do that."

"Why did you just do that?"

"Wuch you talkin bout, nigga? I MEAN- I want cake. Do you have cake?" Izzy walks away.

Back at the cafeteria, the campers are eating lunch. "I have my own private bathroom." Chris says. "I take pissy-wissys and dumpy-wumpys in my toilet-woilet in my own PRIVATE BATHROOM."

"What?" Duncan says.

"Do _you_ have your _own PRIVATE __**BATHROOM?"**_

"Courtney did in season two. We almost had sex in there."

"SHUT UP, Duncan!" Courtney is embarrassed.

"Campers. Your challenge today is to make a song for your team. It must be meaningful. If you screw up, your team will lose."

The campers go out to create lyrics for a song. "It's too bad Harold isn't here so I could make fun of his teenie-weenie in my song." Duncan says.

"But this is a team song. I think we should sing about _Gwen." _Trent says. He makes googly-gay eyes at Gothy Man Slut.

"NO. SHE IS A FAT PIECE OF SHIT WHORE. SHE IS A CLASSES SEX CRAZED HOE. A DRUNK SKANK. DIPSHIT. FUCKTARD. ASS WIPE. TIT BISCUIT. COCK MUNCH." Duncan screams.

"No. What we need is a Mexican song." Alejandro said.

"Oh, Okay. We need a me he kin song." Duncan said.

"Dude. Don't make fun of my accent. It is muy muy sexy."

"Okay, Wandicimo. Consualea. Selena Gomez."

"Hey, I am not from Fairly Odd Parents, Wizards of Waverly, and Consualea happens to be my mom. Fuck you, Duncan."

"His mommy is a stupid MAID on Family Guy." While the Explorers were fighting, the Adventurers continued their talks.

"We need something that'll make Chris say SHA-WOW! Sha that was sha AMAZIN'!" Lightning says.

"Yes, for once, I agree with that jackass."

"SHA-WHAT did you say, _Joe_?"

"I said I agreed with you, and I called you an asshole, because you think I am a man. Jo can be a woman's name, too, ya know."

"Shuch yo mouf. You have a man's name, you are built like a man- I mean look at that chest. Sha-FLAT!"

"Oh, now you're asking for it, Sha faggot!"

"YOU CAN'T USE MY WORD, YOU MAN SLUT!" Lightning and Jo get into a fist fight. Ezekiel comes up to the fight and starts picking his nose. He pulls out a bloody booger.

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! OH MA GOD EWWWWWWWWWWW!" Noah says. Dawn starts talking.

"Your aura tells me you are gay, Noah. Oh, and Ezekiel, your aura tells me you want to be called 'Inzinkle'." Noah walks up to Dawn and tries to slap her, but misses. He runs away, crying like a little girl, saying "I'm not gay, I'm not gay."

Meanwhile, Lindsay is in the men's room, constipated, smoking weed, snorting bath salts, and masturbating on one of the urinals. She is writing her own song which she thinks the team will use.

"Time is up. It is time for each team to sing their songs. Team Explorer, you're up. Blow my dick, Chef- I MEAN- Blow me away, Explorers, in my own private bathroom." The team lines up in a row and starts their song.

"CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRRRRRRRRRIS CHRRRRRRRRRRIS CHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHEF IS GAY CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRIS CHRISSSSSSSSSSSSSS CHARISSA CHHHRRRISSSS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CHRIS CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"That was BE U TEE FULL!" Chris says. He pulls down his pants and grabs his penis. "You make me want to SUCK ON THIS.

"Team Adventure, you're up." They line up in a row.

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea- " They start their song, but Lindsay runs out of the bathroom, naked. She sings her song:

"Cuz I'm a DRUG ADDICT. DRUG ADDICT. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG TO PUT THIS STUFF UP MY NOSE. It's my time feeling great, getting high. DRUG ADDICT. Oh shit, I'm about to lose it, just ran out of zanex, all my crack has been sniffed, take a swig of whiskey, I just wet my panties, I will blow anyone IF THEY GIVE ME MORE DRUGS." Tyler walks out without any pants.

"Drugs. Drugs. Ding." He says. "If it's drugs you want, it's drugs I've got, just come over here and touch my crotch." Chris walks up to them.

"Alright, alright, I've had enough. Your song SUCKED. The Chris song wins! Adventurers, I'll meet you at the campfire ceremony." Everyone starts screaming at Lindsay and Tyler. They know it was Lindsay's idea.

"Campers, your song sucked penis. I fucking hated it. The Charrissa song was so fucking sexy." Everyone but Lindsay got a marshmallow. "The person who is leaving…" Everyone says, "There aren't marshmallows left, Lindsay is leaving!" Chris says: "Time to go BYE BYE BYE MAHONE!"

"Sha but LINDSAY WAS VOTED OFF BY EVERYONE!"

"I know. But Austin Mahone over here thinks he is hotter than me, so I am taking him out of the game. Plus, Lindsay adds a lot of drama."

"Does anyone know where I can get some heroine?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Everyone says.

"Bye, Justin!" Lindsay says. She is confident her drugs will let her win.

**WOAH, THAT WAS WEIRD! Thanks to Bart Baker for the song lyrics- I got them from the My Moment parody- be sure to check out his You Tube page. Until next time, thanks for reading!**


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